Late 1980s to early 1990s handwritten journal by a teenage boy as he finishes high school and begins classes at Utica college. He talks of girls, not getting along with his father and overall angst. Interspersed between the diary entries are mix-tape song lists, including bands like the Doors, Aerosmith, Janis Joplin, Smithereens, Clash, Bowie, Cowboy Junkies, Talking Heads, etc., and there are also addresses,phone numbers and notes. Some entries are far between, while others will detail some events in his life. In one entry he calls this diary, “my sacred journal of life.” The leather-bound diary measures about 8” x 10,” the entire book is written in and there are about 170 pages. He is identified, but I am leaving his name off of this description. Some examples of his writing include”
It’s late now and I should be asleep, but the rumble of the train, the excitement in my heart, the fucking Jap girls in the next bunk can’t stop talking, keep me awake. Maybe it was on purpose that I’m up or maybe it’s because I have to pee real badly. Since I can’t sleep, I pull out the CCR tape and tap into the essence of Jim Morrison and the rest of the Doors; a band who has reached immortality in a few short years. During “Gloria” I open the shade of the train and a burst of lightning explodes like the sun. The stars in the sky are different tonight, they’re glowing brighter and from my viewpoint, they seem to be shooting off pieces of star through the sky. These pieces seem like a colony of lightning bugs flickering through the atmosphere. Jim sounds like he’s gargling and singing at the same time. As we pulled into the stop, I’ve realized that my life is getting too hard to handle. I’ve got no purpose to my life, no definite grip on reality. Does anyone for that matter? College is next but I’ve got mixed feelings about it. At the moment, my SAT scores couldn’t get me into Central Conn. College, but I took a SAT review course that should help, but I lack the incentive, the motivation to do anything about improving myself and grades. All my life I’ve tried to prove myself worthy of being a son to my father. I’ve lived my life trying to keep him happy by trying to be like him. How do you tell someone that, I mean how long can I prolong my breakdown on reality. Everyday something happens that chips a little more off the wall between sane and insanity….
Classes have started and now I want to drop one of them. If I do, it will give me more free time for other activities like the play, volleyball and the radio station. After today I’ll decide since today is the second class. But I would really like to drop it. Doing so would give me four classes and twelve credits but it would leave me with more time to study or have an early radio show. I have about an hour before astronomy class, maybe I should do my written comm. Homework now so I can rest my brain in between classes. Yesterday I had a dinner date with a girl named Melanie. Dinner led to her sleeping over in my room last night, with me obviously. She is a great girl, who I had met the night before. We didn’t plan for this to happen, it just kinda did, but I’m not sorry at all because she is a great girl. She’s going home this weekend, which is too bad, but she’ll be back on Monday. I know what you’re asking. You’re trying to figure out where she’s from? The answer is Freedom, NY. Now that I’m thinking back on it, I see that going out with Jackie was possibly one of the best and worst things that I could have happen to me. It was good because now I know all the signs to watch for; so far, I’ve been fortunate and not found or seen anybody like her kind. Melanie is the extreme opposite of Jackie, thank God! Melanie is 16 years old, she’ll be 17 on September 20. Very strange that she’s a freshman in college and being that young, but it doesn’t seem to bother her so should it bother anyone else. Her parents let her go to college so they must trust her to some extent. She says she can be trusted and so far, I guess that’s true……
……Shannon and I slept together. We had sex and it was fun. She was horny and I was lonely. Don’t read more into this than it is worth. I didn’t, but now Shannon and I have gotten a little more serious about our relationship. Wrong. Interesting twist of events. How deep am I getting into this. Melanie wrote to me again after she received my letter. She is happy that she thinks I am wrapped around her cunt. That’s pretty much all it is between us.